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It's been awhile   
05:23pm 16/02/2009
  Well I guess we have been on a break from rotten for a few years, but baby, that don't mean rotten's gone away. Old tards don't die, they just hide away for awhile. So we are going to make an effort to update this thing more now. With that said today I came to the following realization:


I am indeed a rotten morally decayed human. I realize this and can live with it, and actually enjoy being this way, so I guess that makes me even more rotten. I also enjoy socializing with other people as morally depraved as I am which always makes for an interesting time.


Batty-tard out.
 
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Contents of a Tards Purse   
08:35pm 17/08/2005
  Upon looking in ye old purse today I found:

Lortabs
Xanex
Condoms
Salvia
hydro version of a commonly smoked plant
Used baggies of unknown powders
Make-up
Cellphone
Toothbrush
Elastic
fishnets with the crotch ripped out
ripped out pieces of hair weave
jewelery from about 2 months worth of nights out and about thrown inside purse when passing out at friend's houses
The cap to a polished off rum bottle
Beer stains from a drunk girl spilling a whole beer inside said purse at a wild party
 
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butt blower   
04:02am 21/05/2005
  Niko Niko's gives me mad gas  
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bid   
09:11pm 28/12/2004
  You think your xmas sucked?

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5546966725
 
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shebangs, shabangs   
06:47pm 04/09/2004
 
mood: amused
 
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Poo-poo-poo   
11:54am 21/08/2004
  Dear Dairy,

Since we haven't been on drinking binges lately I am sad to inform you that the only lewd thing I have to look forward to now is my morning poop. Will you please tell it to hurry up so I can get on with my day? Thanks.
 
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Sinus Cavity Needs Flushing   
12:47am 30/07/2004
 
mood: awake
I just sneezed and a HUUUGE rock of "you know what" came flying out of my nose! It's been two days and that shit was still there. I could have chopped it and snorted it or just stuck it in my mouth and copped a buzz but I have to get up early tomorrow.
 
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Just For You...Since We Didn't Get To Go To NOLA   
01:48am 02/07/2004
 
mood: aggravated
 
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ahh the good life   
09:14pm 30/04/2004
  After a long day of making haters froth at the bit I like to go out, win a fashion show, go eat some mexican food , down a huge margarita and get tipsy and gassy. Makes for a lovely evening.  
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Flip Flops   
05:23pm 18/11/2003
 
mood: reek-a-licious
Dude.

I swear.

These shoes smell so BAD.

Target platform flip-flops must have an expiration date.

They get this all consuming heinous REEK about them after about six months of wear.

I think kel tard and I need to have a bonfire and burn these puppies before they stink up the whole house.

Maybe if we pour some everclear or vodka on them it will sterilize them and curb the reek.
 
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No Fun, and New Fun   
06:48pm 17/11/2003
 
mood: amused
So Dallas sucked hairy dripping dog wangs this weekend.

BUT...

Tard discovered something new and fun for us to entertain ourselves with on roadtrips.

I am dubbing it the "Bathroom Agony" game.

Tard and I went into a public restroom and while I pretended to wonder if she was okay..she went into a stall and started to make HEINOUSLY loud fart and bodily function sounds, moaning and crying the whole time. So many ladies stopped by the stall to ask if she was okay, and then there were the people trying not to laugh in the stalls around her whenever she made farting noises. It was SO amusing to witness. We tried to both go in a stall and do this on the way home but got thwarted by there being too many people waiting to use the bathroom. We had barely gotten a moan and a popping noise out when we realized that you have to do this in a larger public restroom than just one with two stalls. Oh well..we will make lewd sounds in a public restroom again soon. We have to work out a banter between the two of us to spring on the unknowing public. It's gonna have something to do with talking back and forth about taking too many laxtives and/or having explosive diarrhea from fast food poisoning.
 
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our theme song, to the tune of "Fame"   
02:56am 23/10/2003
 
mood: tardtastic
"TARD"

Non-tardies look at us
And tell me what you see
You ain't seen the worst of us yet
Give us time we'll make you forget the rest

we got to mooch off of you
And you can't get none for free
You can watch us moon all the land
Don't you know who I am
Remember our name

tard
we're gonna drink for ever
we're gonna shop till we die
I feel it coming together
People will see us and cry
we're gonna make it to new orleans
farts light the sky like a flame
we're gonna moon school children
they're gonna scream in shame

tardie you squeeze those cheeks tight
Cause you can make it to the toilet right?
You can let me sit on your pot
throw up on my when we've done drugs a lot

tard I'll return
To much is not enough
you can eat mexican till wind breaks
Oh these tards have got what it takes

tard
we're gonna drink for ever
we're gonna shop till we die
I feel it coming together
People will see us and cry
we're gonna make it to new orleans
farts light the sky like a flame
we're gonna moon school children
they're gonna scream in shame

tard
we're gonna make it with lots of dudes
fall in the gutter with ludes
we're gonna live in new orleans
we'll get so drunk we won't remember our names

tard
we're gonna drink for ever
we're gonna shop till we die
I feel it coming together
People will see us and cry
we're gonna make it to new orleans
farts light the sky like a flame
we're gonna moon school children
they're gonna scream in shame
 
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BOW DOWN FOR YOU ARE ALL HER UNDERLINGS   
04:42am 04/08/2003
 
mood: chug a lug
Kel 'Tard is the professor of CHAOS. She needs a tin foil helmet.

Grandpa, why ya always chuggin your Metimusel?
 
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Don't Be So HArd On The Beaver   
04:40am 04/08/2003
 
mood: messed up
Grandpa, why ya always chuggin your Metimusel?
 
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new icon   
04:33am 24/07/2003
 
mood: not drunk
a new icon for this, our drunken journal. Too bad I aint drunk.
 
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taste the assiness   
01:37am 07/07/2003
 
mood: trying to get drunk
Well it's offical, we have depleted the alcohol collection in our house so much that I am down to drinking shots of Mezcal. Taste the nasty onion flavored with a hint of soap goodness.


-batster signing off
 
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and if they are really naughty..give em an' acid bath   
08:28pm 04/05/2003
 
mood: ON DRUGS!!!!!!!!!!!
We are back broadcasting to you in full color! Didn't you miss us????

Yes new improved...back with avengence..it's tardies2003...NOW with ACID!!! (and Todd)

Enjoy the beauty that is us on the big "A" with no cut tag for you mother fuckers because you are lucky that the keyboard is holding still enough to let me type this right now:

Buhahahahahaha
















Yeah we are "gothic babes". lol.

"They" are telling me we must leave you now.

nanu nanu or whatever the hell it is mork used to say on his home planet.
 
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Naked Hippy In My Bed   
02:10am 12/04/2003
 
mood: wasted
Tonight for dinner I had:

One bean & cheese taco
3 glasses of Scotch
1 margherita
a bowl of pot
2 Davocet
1 muscle relaxer
a really good screw

-Finky
 
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FYI   
07:50pm 11/04/2003
 
mood: gloomy
Tomorrow I go to new orleans to do smack.

lol.

yep. productive weekend I'd say.

Classy too.

Another day in the rock n roll circus.
 
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ONLY 153 Dollars a Bottle!   
01:48am 22/03/2003
 
mood: drunk
I drank a LOT TONIGHT.

DENNY ROLL ONTO THE TARP, DENNY!!!!


Kelly tard she eats. Lots it is that she eats.

She aint got no pants.

No mama, no pants.

I said mama I don't want to pants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This here tard spent the last two days with a very nifty, very bad, very hot man.

AND YOU DIDN'T!!

YOU DORKS DIDN'T.


MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.


Night fever night fever blah blah blah blah.

HI we are tards.

We can burp the halleliuah chorus and you cannot say shit.

ON THE REALS.

FOR SERIOUS.

You too can stop embarrasing foot wetness and oder. The tv tells us so. Sort of like Jesus. But more boxy like with many channels.


SMOKE AWAY MAKES A GREAT GIFT. OH MOTHERFUCKER a DAMN GREAT GIFT YOU BASTARDS.


GOOD GOD POP MUSIC SUCKS MY (OUR) ASS. IT's an ASSLOAD of suck. An ASSLOAD I say!!


We are too damn bootylicious for you.

I aint trying to hear it, so sit down.

I am now signing of this live journal THINGYMABOB.

PEACE OUT.
 
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